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Nicole Marie [userpic]

I have to find my way.

April 12th, 2008 (05:50 pm)

current mood: cheerful

I know there are probably a lot of personal apologies in order, but I would like to take this opportunity to post one big, collective "I'm sorry."

I am sorry.

I'd like to apologize to all of you and to myself for the past two years of my life. I am sorry that I ignored how awesome all of you are. I am sorry that I wasn't there for you when you needed me - personally, academically, professionally or otherwise. I am sorry that I didn't live up to my potential as a friend, student, leader, teacher. I am sorry that I was so unpleasant most of the time and that I didn't smile at you or talk with you more. Most - if not all - of the blame lies in me.

It's been a long few months of rehabilitation, but I can safely say that I have put myself in a position where I will grow and become better. I have dragged myself out of the rut that I was in and I will never look back. To those of you that stayed with me through all of it, I don't know how you did it, and I am so so grateful. To those of you that got fed up with me and talked shit, I really don't blame you, and again: I apologize.

If anyone is interested, I actually have a life now. A life, a (pleasant) personality, goals and friends. And I would still like to be friends with all of you, no exceptions.

Please pass a link to this entry along to anyone else who you think should read it. I know there are others who I'm not LJ friends with that should see this.

Thanks. :)

Nicole Marie [userpic]

(no subject)

March 3rd, 2008 (01:15 am)

Can't waste time, so give it a moment
I'll realize nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back, got a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

-- Jordin Sparks, "Tattoo"

Okay, so I thought it was stupid when it came out, but now it hits a little close to home.

Nicole Marie [userpic]

We can make a difference, it's not too late.

February 24th, 2008 (12:35 am)

current mood: drained

Dear FAME cast,

I love you. Whenever something bad happens to me - be it fucked up shit with people at home, school stress, roommate issues, etc. - you always fix it. I've come to rehearsal feeling absolutely depressed and then left four hours later feeling on top of the world. You all make magic. You're the kindest, most talented, most fun and most amazing group of people I've ever met. I'm so excited to go to Washington with you tomorrow and I'm so excited for this last month of preparation before we perform. I cherish every moment that we spend together and I know that all of you are going to be an amazing part of my life for the next four years. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Love. ♥

Nicole Marie [userpic]

I know where I've been.

January 9th, 2008 (08:07 pm)

current mood: cold

So I really want to go back, but at the same time I don't.

I love my friends from school so much. Especially Teddi and Stephanie, they're some of the best friends I've had in my entire life.

However, things are just starting to get better here. Some people in Endicott are always going to have their prejudices against me, yeah, but I've put pretty much all my grudges behind me. Anyone who's wants to be friends now, I'll be friends with, no matter what has happened in the past. I don't hold anything against anyone anymore. I've had this attitude for the past couple weeks, and it's really done wonders. I'm already a lot closer with people I thought I'd lost, and I'm not gonna lie, it feels really good. I know there are some friends that I probably will never get back, but it's nice to have these few back. Hopefully there will be more as time goes on.

I wanted to erase this place from my life when I went to Syracuse, thinking that doing so would somehow erase all the hurt. I didn't realize that the only way to erase the hurt that others had caused me and vice versa was to apologize and forgive. I thought that holding grudges and not letting myself be kind to people who'd "wronged" me made me strong. All it really made me was miserable and no fun, and not only did no one else like me, I didn't even like myself.

It took me long enough, but I've finally grown up a little (maybe a lot). And to anyone who's reading that deserves this: I'm sorry. It's a little late, but I'm done being dumb.

Nicole Marie [userpic]

(no subject)

October 29th, 2007 (07:16 pm)


Great show yesterday. You really left it all on the field and performed a fantastic show. I'm very, very proud of you. Best wishes for the rest of the year, wherever it takes you.

-- Nicole

Nicole Marie [userpic]

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me... and I'm feelin' good.

August 25th, 2007 (03:15 pm)

current mood: happy
current song: The Holiday is playing in the bg. :)

Well, I'm here in Syracuse. I've been wanting to write about it for a while, but every time I start I don't know what to say. Even now I'm at a loss for words, but here goes.

I feel healthier, happier and freer than I have felt in a long time. Coming here was the best thing that could have happened to me. I had no choice but to let go and forget.

It's time. He's gone, and it's good. The beginning was wonderful and it was worth it for love. But he's not worth it anymore. Not the person he's become. It's really over, and that's a good thing.

I'm not going to be writing in this LJ anymore. I've created a new one as a symbol of my new life and the new girl I'm going to be. If I want you to read it, I'll add you. Everyone else, good luck with everything. It's been a good time. :)

Nicole Marie [userpic]

Thanks for playing, try again.

July 30th, 2007 (03:46 pm)

current mood: bored

Dear Chicago,
Ily. We've been BFFs for a good amount of time, since before I really knew what you were all about. I've watched you cast name after household name into leading roles, in a desperate attempt not to close. It's worked, so I've remained STHU about it. But this is going too far. I feel so bad for London - first Idina, now this? Pity.


Nicole Marie [userpic]

It can't always be kisses, hugs and beautiful words.

July 27th, 2007 (08:07 pm)
pissed off

current mood: mildly offended

Yesterday was fun, but I miss Cara and Kevin! I need them to come home, they are amazing. Anyway, trivia was really fun, playing around with names from HP7. :P I also can't wait to see Aida at BU. I'm definitely going with Amelia, but if anyone else wants to come, call her. I'm sure you can too.

I'm really upset by something that's been going on. That's no reason to IM me and call me "emo:" you really have no idea what happened, so who are you to say I'm overreacting? Please, if I haven't talked to you about what's going on, don't assume that you know. You don't. There's only one person I've confided in about it, and that's all I'm comfortable with at this point. It's not your business, you don't know, so shut up and leave it alone.

That said, I have some amazing friends that I love with all my heart. Even if I haven't talked to you about it, chances are you've done something to help anyway. Thanks so so much. ♥

P.S. -- I met my roommate and she is awesome. :)

Nicole Marie [userpic]

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

July 24th, 2007 (01:29 am)
current song: Dashboard Confessional -- "A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar"

Spoilers beneath the cut.Collapse )

Nicole Marie [userpic]

DH Hiatus.

July 17th, 2007 (08:30 pm)

current mood: blah

Deathly Hallows Hiatus.

I did not think I'd have to start this hiatus before the book even came out, but it seems that is what's necessary.

Real or not, I've already been warned about the billion "leaks" floating around LJ. Luckily, I haven't seen any of them. Be wary, though - assholes are going to great lengths to spoil people. On my other account, I was randomly friended by a user with a huge spoiler in their username. I don't know if it's real or not, but either way, that's shitty. If you're a Harry Potter fan and you don't want to be spoiled, my advice is to stay away from LJ until you've finished Book 7.

Happy reading, guys. :)

P.S. -- Cara, freaking come home. I need to create elaborate (fake) plots with you to kill bitches. D:

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