I know where I've been.
current mood: cold
So I really want to go back, but at the same time I don't.
I love my friends from school so much. Especially Teddi and Stephanie, they're some of the best friends I've had in my entire life.
However, things are just starting to get better here. Some people in Endicott are always going to have their prejudices against me, yeah, but I've put pretty much all my grudges behind me. Anyone who's wants to be friends now, I'll be friends with, no matter what has happened in the past. I don't hold anything against anyone anymore. I've had this attitude for the past couple weeks, and it's really done wonders. I'm already a lot closer with people I thought I'd lost, and I'm not gonna lie, it feels really good. I know there are some friends that I probably will never get back, but it's nice to have these few back. Hopefully there will be more as time goes on.
I wanted to erase this place from my life when I went to Syracuse, thinking that doing so would somehow erase all the hurt. I didn't realize that the only way to erase the hurt that others had caused me and vice versa was to apologize and forgive. I thought that holding grudges and not letting myself be kind to people who'd "wronged" me made me strong. All it really made me was miserable and no fun, and not only did no one else like me, I didn't even like myself.
It took me long enough, but I've finally grown up a little (maybe a lot). And to anyone who's reading that deserves this: I'm sorry. It's a little late, but I'm done being dumb.