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Nicole Marie [userpic]

I know where I've been.

January 9th, 2008 (08:07 pm)
cold

current mood: cold

So I really want to go back, but at the same time I don't.

I love my friends from school so much. Especially Teddi and Stephanie, they're some of the best friends I've had in my entire life.

However, things are just starting to get better here. Some people in Endicott are always going to have their prejudices against me, yeah, but I've put pretty much all my grudges behind me. Anyone who's wants to be friends now, I'll be friends with, no matter what has happened in the past. I don't hold anything against anyone anymore. I've had this attitude for the past couple weeks, and it's really done wonders. I'm already a lot closer with people I thought I'd lost, and I'm not gonna lie, it feels really good. I know there are some friends that I probably will never get back, but it's nice to have these few back. Hopefully there will be more as time goes on.

I wanted to erase this place from my life when I went to Syracuse, thinking that doing so would somehow erase all the hurt. I didn't realize that the only way to erase the hurt that others had caused me and vice versa was to apologize and forgive. I thought that holding grudges and not letting myself be kind to people who'd "wronged" me made me strong. All it really made me was miserable and no fun, and not only did no one else like me, I didn't even like myself.

It took me long enough, but I've finally grown up a little (maybe a lot). And to anyone who's reading that deserves this: I'm sorry. It's a little late, but I'm done being dumb.

Comments

(Deleted comment)
Posted by: Nicole Marie (sweetcalliope)
Posted at: January 11th, 2008 03:12 pm (UTC)

Nope... I understand where you're coming from, haha.

This place will always be a part of you, whether you try to or not. I guess that's how I came about realizing everything that I wrote up there. I tried my hardest to erase it, but it just kept coming back to me. It was then that I realized that it would be a lot easier and that I'd feel a lot better if I kept my ties with this town. In order to do that and not be constantly tormented by bad memories, I had to do some (actually, a lot of) forgiving and forgetting. It's been hard, but it's worked out really well so far.

Good luck, and remember this (I really wish I had): the only person you're hurting when you let a grudge fester inside of you is yourself. :]

(Deleted comment)
Posted by: Nicole Marie (sweetcalliope)
Posted at: January 20th, 2008 04:57 pm (UTC)

:D

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